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Trimming fat from fiction

by Durant Imboden

Padded prose makes readers doze.

"Overwriting" is a common sin among new writers, for several reasons:

1. Big words (and lots of them) sound impressive to inexperienced writers.

2. Writing longwinded prose makes it easier to reach the end of the story.

3. After agonizing over a long passage or chapter, it's painful to wield the delete key.

What do we mean by "overwriting"? Here's an example:

"I love you," Jessica said, reaching out to touch Matthew's hand.

Matthew felt himself blushing and looked down. Did he dare overcome his shyness? "I..." He bit his lip nervously as he felt the warmth of the soft fingers that gently stroked his knuckles.

"Do you love me, Matthew?" she repeated, with her eyes boring into his.

"I..." Matthew took a deep breath, then exhaled it slowly. His heart was pounding.

"Do you?" she persisted.

Matthew gathered his courage and reached a decision. With feeling, he asserted: "Damn it, yes, I do!"

Disregard the sappiness of the passage and ask yourself what's wrong with the prose. If you guess that it's too wordy, you're right. Now let's examine a slimmed-down version:

"I love you," Jessica said, reaching out to touch Matthew's hand.

Matthew blushed and looked down.

"Do you love me, Matthew?"

"I..." Matthew's heart was pounding.

"Do you?" she persisted.

Matthew heard himself saying, "Damn it, yes, I do!"

The second passage is just half the length of the first, yet it conveys the same information and emotion.

Moral: When you're writing fiction, a scalpel is just as important as a pencil. Or, to put it in computer terms, the delete key should be the first key to wear out on your keyboard.

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